Diary of a Romantic Idiot - II, III and IV!

Offbeat romantic letters - Deux, Tres and Quadro. For Uno, scroll down to the post below.

P.S (again) : These letters has been born as a result of my boredom, and it has been written by me with an imaginary lover in mind. Any resemblance to letters written to any of my actual lovers is purely co-incidental.


II

"Dearest Madhuri (Name Made up),

I want to proudly announce to you that I have been working out and gymming regularly since the past 2 months to develop my physique to perfection, because I want you to experience the feel of a really good n firm male body everytime we cuddled. I love you so very much, that I want you to have the best of everything when it comes to things that can be handled under my domain. One aspect of the 'best of everything' is to give you the best possible body of mine to hold. I don't want my love bunny to settle for what is on offer and run her hands over my flabby arms, chest and tummy during the more intimate moments we will share in the future. So I have set upon a mission to develop some rock hard pectorals, a chocolatey six-pack abdomen and some macho firm popeye-ish arms to squeeze you with and give you that ultimate male experience. I am indeed motivated by what I have seen on TV in the film promos of Om Shanti Om lately- If Shahrukh Khan could do it at 40+ age, it should be a piece of cake for me, at half that age.

- With lots of love and potential muscle,
Shiva.
Date:10/07/2007

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

III

Dearest Madhuri,
Remember I had told you a couple of months ago that I had begun working out to achieve muscular perfection just for you? I am sure you must be missing me terribly and licking your lips in anticipation that you shall soon get your own Hrithik-ish/John-ish boyfriend in your arms to hold and you can then proudly flaunt me in front of other girls with flabby boyfriends. Well, the good news is that my efforts are finally showing, but though not to the extent that I would have liked. But still it's a commendable progress I guess. My arms feel stronger than before - the pillows I hug in your absence, now take a longer time to regain their original shape when I let go of them. Earlier they just used to just instantly spring back after my weak hugs. My chest seems firmer, but the best news of all is that I have developed ONE PACK OF A SIX AB! It's amazing! They look like 2 cute little bourbon biscuits on either side of my umbilicus. Would want you to eat them some day! *growls naughtily* Just 5 more packs to go now sweetheart. Romantic bliss for you is just 5 packs away.

- With lots of pecks and potential packs,
Shiva.
Date: 10/09/07

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IV

Dearest Madhuri,
I have some heartbreaking news for you. Remember a couple of months ago I told u that I had developed a one pack ab? Well, today I looked into the mirror after a long time, n poof!- that one pack has disappeared. GONE! I Just couldn't find it..I searched all over for it. I flexed and deflexed my abdomen several times, hoping that it would appear somewhere! But no! It's gone! The only thing that appeared was a hernia. All that workout n sit-ups to make that shape appear- Gone in vain. I was so happy that I had developed a one pack ab that I celebrated my success for a couple of weeks by taking a break from my workouts. It's amazing how just a short period of break can reverse all efforts so fast. Makes me realise how fragile life is if u take it for granted. Maintaining success is more difficult than i thought. I'm really sorry ya- you may have to deal with my pendulous toneless Gujju abdomen in later life if i cannot maintain my workouts in future. I feel like I have let all your expectations down. You must have been dreaming about my chocolatey hard abs na? Pls forgive me love. But on the bright side I watched the film Guru recently and noticed that Aishwarya seemed pretty happy with Abhishek's pot belly. Made me realise that mebbe not all girls are crazy for men with a 6 pack ab, Infact a 10-pack income like Gurukant Desai might be a better goal for me to achieve....especially since u hate Sharukh khan anyways. What Say?

- With lots of honey and potential money,
Shiva.
Date: 10/10/07

(P.s. to all blog readers: You may use my romantic letters for your personal purposes at your own risk)

Diary of a a romantic idiot - I

Updating my blog after a long hiatus of more than an year. Just felt like sharing my little offbeat romantic letter to keep my blog alive.

P.S: This letter has been born as a result of my boredom, and it has been written by me with an imaginary lover in mind. Any resemblance to letters written to any of my actual lovers is purely co-incidental.

"Dearest Madhuri (Name made up),

It's amazing how having a girl on one's mind can bring about a massive change in one's personality. Love sure has the capacity to mellow down even the most ferociously violent gangster and convert him into this tame, docile person who begins to see the world around him as a wholesome, beautiful place to live in. Yes, the beauty of love is that it makes life seem worthwhile again.

Let me give an example of the change in myself, to drive home the point of how you have changed me. There was a time when my tolerance threshold was very low. Especially towards flies. Yes - FLIES. Every monsoon used to test my patience to the limits. (Monsoon is one season where flies decide to seek refuge indoors to save themselves from the rain, and this leads to a terribly increased fly nuisance for mankind). I had a zero tolerance policy for flies. I made sure that no fly who dared enter my house left it alive. The greater the offense committed by the fly, the more horrifying death it met. Flies, flies everywhere- Flies in my morning tea, flies on my toast, flies on my lunch, flies on my dinner. But the two main offenses by the flies that really made me go berserk were flies landing on me and flies who buzzed in my ear.

I used to be armed with a variety of weapons- Traditional rolled up newspapers, fly sqatters and the chemical sprays to the more high tech electrified fly killer (the one that the flies get stuck to and roast to a painful death). Years of fly-killing experience had given me an accuracy that most novice fly-killers would envy. Any fly that was unlucky to come within striking range of me met a certain death. The mode of death would range from being crushed ruthlessly till it's guts were smeared to a fine pasty consistency on whatever surface that they chose to sit on, to being repeatedly sprayed with chemicals till their last molecule convulsed to death. Those flies that were stunned/killed on being hit and those that fell to the ground, but weren't crushed - met a worse fate. They were picked up by me and using forceps their limbs and wings were torn apart one by one. I had a nasty habit of repeatedly spraying even obviously dead flies multiple times with hit/baygon just to make sure that even their souls don't get a chance to escape without toxic levels in them, so that they would in-turn contaminate the souls of other flies in Fly-hell or Fly-heaven or where ever the souls of dead flies go. Yes I was known as "The Ruthless Fly-Destroyer"

But now things have changed dramatically. I am in love. And everything around me seems to have a new meaning. Everything seems beautiful. My mind cannot think of anything else other than being with you. You make me happy. Everytime I meet you, my heart sings with joy. Getting to sit with you, see your smile, feel your laughter - the feeling is indescribable. Those moments when I get to hold you in my arms, play with your silky hair, feel your soft smooth skin against mine, hold those delicate fingers of yours - the moments give me goosebumps. I have never been angry ever since I have been in love. The true test of the change in my personality has been with my change in attitude towards flies. I no longer hate them. Infact I LOVE them too! I love everything! I now treat every fly entering my house as a guest. And I make sure that they are comfortable and feel at home. I Keep bowls of sugared milk in every room so that they can feed themselves to their hearts content. If they want to sit on me ... I let them do it. Their tiny feet walking over me feel like you running your delicate fingers over me. It's bliss. Their buzzing in my ears seems as sweet as the music of love. Whether i am having breakfast, lunch or dinner I make sure that they too enjoy the meal as much as I do. And in case i do happen to find any fly lying dead in my house, I tenderly lift it up and give it a proper honorable burial with full honors. *Sigh*.... You make me see beauty even in the small things of life.

I (and the flies too) would like to sincerely thank you for this profound effect you have had on me and I am grateful that you are changing me for the better.

- With lots of love and gratitude,
Your Darling, Shiva.