"If fetus papyraceous could survive, it would become you"- Spriha.
Well, if the above statement didn't make any sense to you, if you felt that it's yet another one of the highly intellectual yet sensitive gibberish that Spriha occasionally spews on us [hey, just kidding Spriha - i absolutely LOVE your highly intellectual yet sensitive gibberish :-D] , then think again- You are wrong! The above statement is actually a very well disguised, extremely subtle way of commenting on my weight and my physical appearance.
If you look at the picture above, you may not be able to see me at first glance. The picture may simply appear to be of two mammoth, colossal human beings standing together in an awkward embrace. But look again... study the picture carefully... go ahead, take your time. Squint your eyes if you have to... notice anything unusual?? Yes!! You are right! There IS a third person in the picture!!! Slowly and steadily your eyes will be able to make out the presence of a tiny human being caught in-between the two massive, prominent figures. Yes, That's me. Thank you for spotting me. Now read ahead.
I am thin. Underweight. Skinny, malnourished, skin and bones, skeletor, anti-fat...whatever!
My "Body weight : Body Height Ratio" is pretty skewed... one look at me and you'll know what I'm talking about.. For the past 22 years of my life, i have tried everything within limits of sane recommendations to gain weight, to consume calories on a regular basis in excess of what I burn, to make sure my BMI reaches double figures... or as the common people say - to "Put on". I have always felt that "To put on" is a remarkably dumb phrase to be used in context of gaining weight, as it makes gaining weight seem to be as ridiculously easy a task as "putting on a jacket"... My vivid imagination keeps playing a continuous video of me walking up to my closet and picking out the right weight that i'd like to put on for that lovely evening walk...
Right through my schooling days, to my junior college days to my medical college days, friends have been able to come up with various creative statements to remind me time and again that i'm an ectomorph [people have been classified into 3 groups based on their body structures- ectomorph, endomorph and mesomorph- these body structures are mainly genitally inherited (actually 'genetically', but i prefer the former as it sounds naughtier & makes equal sense) and is predetermined before a person is born - click on them to get a better definition].
Not that i enjoy being teased on a regular basis - but i AM happy with the fact that my mere weight (or rather lack of it) can be a lovely source of inspiration in inviting occasional witty comments from friends.. It's these rare gems by a few friends that i really look forward to, rather than the mundane, numerous, routine, unimaginative and sometimes pirated wisecracks that the majority indulge in... Let me share a few that I have endured over the years:
There are the good ones...
"Do you even bother walking or does the air push you around?" - Maverick
"Your scapulae are so prominent that you could wear a bra backwards" - S.J.S.
"Before I met you, I used to think that floaters were only a type of footwear. I had no idea thet the term could be applied to humans too" - S.J.S.
""Body Mass Index = Weight In Kg/Height in metres (Squared)". Frankly Shiva, I don't think you should take the risk of squaring the height" - S.J.S.
"Shiva has the dedication of a great actor. Just as an actor studies his character in detailed depth and seems to 'become' the character himself when he acts on screen, similarly Shiva studies paediatrics in great depth. He seems to 'become' the topic he studies. Unfortunately it appears he's been studying Marasmus for too long." - C.R.
"Hmm, your kidneys can never be ballottable. There just isn't enough space between your anterior and posterior abdominal walls" - C.R.
.... and there are the well known one liners....
"If Shiva stands sideways he disappears" - Meghan
"Shiva has a figure of " - S.D.
"You are so skinny, you could probably look through a peephole with both eyes" - Shemin.
"You are so skinny, you could hoola hoop with a donut" - Diro
... and then there are the childish, routine ones... short and to the point...
"Skeleton" - Meghan
"Invisible"- M.P.
"A walking-talking X-ray" - S.J.S.
"The P.S.M. department has called you. They require a P.E.M. specimen for the museum" - C.R.
You may have been able to judge the gravity of my thinness by now. The above is a pictorial representation of a daydream that I quite often indulge in... imagining that someday I would be able to miraculously convert myself into a muscled hunk - a dream which I have tried to make a reality by joining a Gym 6 times in the past 6 years. Unfortunately, each determined stint in the Gym lasts for a maximum of 2 weeks, before the lazy Piscean in me surfaces and makes me quit.
Chalo, enough of me cribbing about being a feather weight. Time to look at the bright side.... Being thin has it's own advantages. It's these very advantages that keep me happy and satisfied. It's these little positive things, the little pleasures of life that I have noticed over the years which make me glad that I weigh less than all those who weigh more than me.
Here are the 10 good things I'd like to share:
1) Getting through my first year subject, Anatomy, was a breeze. To revise what I had learned, all I had to do was stand naked in front of the mirror- and all the muscles, tendons, their origins, insertions, venous drainage, etc etc.became crystal clear. The same advantage applies to surgical anatomy too.
2) Travelling through the crowded Mumbai trains is simpler. I can fit into the tiniest space created between two humans and still have enough space to breathe while maintaining atleast a 2 inch chest expansion. And even if I step on the feet of other people, they don't mind it- that means more surface area to walk on.
3) I can run faster than fat people - less wind resistance.
4) The batteries on my electronic weighing scale last longer. Think of the money I save.
5) I was a champion Hide and Seek player in my childhood. I could hide in places where no one could seek. I used to feel sorry for the poor seekers. They didn't stand a chance.
6) Even Bullies feel sorry for me. Never once have I been beaten up or threatened by anyone who is bigger than me. Infact I have seen 'pity' even in the eyes of the coldest hearted punk when they see me. It's good to know that there is emotion even in those who are inherently anti-social.
7) 'Hey Skinny' sure sounds better and more pleasant than 'Hey Fatso' or 'Hey Ganapati' or 'Hey Mote' or even celebrity heckling like 'Hey Tun Tun' or 'Hey Adnan'... Teasings sure are more limited and less harsh sounding for the thin people.
8) I can make *slurping* sounds indicating pleasure while eating fried stuff, dip my hands into butter rotis and lick the butter off my fingers, eat Gulab jamuns and Jalebis and Ice cream at will, without thinking twice - All this while simultaneously enjoying the jealous looks on the faces of some of my more 'well endowed' friends who always have to think twice before enjoying such gustatory pleasures, with either their increasing waistline or tightening jeans niggling them at the back of their minds.
9) People suffering from Anorexia Nervosa feel much better after seeing me. I make a difference in the lives of Anorexics- they realise that their bodies can never compete with mine, so they might as well eat more.
10) I used to be the one chosen by default to break the Dahi Handi during Gokulashtami- I get to do cooler stuff. Even when parasailing, my parachute goes higher than that of the others and I get a better view of the world below.
Time to end this post. I am happy that I am not the only light-bodied blogger in here. My good friend "D" too shares a similar physical existence as me. Maybe I should be starting a club for like-bodied people. Hmm....
Ectomorphs of the world - Unite!
